Friday, March 14, 2008
Haven't had such a feeling for a long time, the feeling of stepping into a hospital. The last time i did was the attachments with Dr Koo at NCC and earlier when my dad had his cardiac bypass at NUH. This time, i went to TTSH, to see a cardiac specialist. All the things about stardying medicine came swirling into my head again. Glad i didn't choose to have an appointment at NUH, probably make me very very sad. Afterall, that's where all my best friends are and i was supposed to be 'sitting right beside them in class'. But it didn't materialise. I remember whenever i go past NUH and i see that building beside it, the medfac building, i would dream of being there after my A levels. When i saw WeiXiang's student pass with 'Yong Loo Lin School of Medicine' on it, i would dream that one day, i had one with my face on it. All these didn't materialise.
One year later, after being rejected, my passion and want and urge to stardy medicine has not falter even a bit, in fact, it has taken root and grown stronger. I would not want to be forced again to make a decision of what i would do if i didn't get into medicine. It will hurt a lot. My thoughts and impression of medicine and the duties and responsiblities of a doctor has even grown. Many books i have read regarding the economics, philosophy and politics of medicine, from different perspectives too. I still feel that my understanding of this job is still shallow. Before i can ask myself what kind of doctor i want to be, i have to be sure i have a place in a med school.
Everyone else in camp calls me Dr Chua, they are amazed that they have a friend that might one day become a doctor. but i feel immense pressure. Pressure to perform and achieve. What if one day this dream is totally no more? How would i go back to face my camp mates, my class mates, my family and every single one who had such high hopes of me. I guess the saying is true that the more u hope for, the more disappointed you will get when you don't achieve it.
Did a 12 lead ECG, the graphs better that the last one i took. Doctor says i am fine and my chest pains aren't caused by my heart. I was relived. i guess as much. Thought it was more of a gastric problem.But the doctor left a weird impression on me. He asked why i still came for this appointment even after the GP claim that i was alright. I guess he knew i was a soldier and perhaps just wanted to chao geng from work. He spoke in a very displeased tone that kindda disgusted me. i told him i just wanted to double confirm. That's the kind of kiasu attitude you should have with regards to your own health anyway right?
Finished prison break season 3, seems like it just doesn't end, all the feud and animosity. Going to start watching Grey's Anatomy. Haven't been blogging for a while. So here's some wishes to all the friends of mine. First and foremost, ze gloree dan and fred, jiayous for med exams! all the s78 girls, jiayous with upcoming exams and chiong towards april hols! All the juniors who just received their results, congratulations for those who done well and for those who didn't, you guys have to move on some day, you guys can still catch up if u start working doubly hard from this stage onwards. The BMT juniors, happy POP! To Zong, Weixuan and Kevin, good job cadets, look forward to seeing you guys on your comms parade SIR! And last but not least, to everyone else that i know, i will try my very best to squeeze time out to catch up with you all, poke me if i take too long =)
stalin rules
4:10 PM
-------------------------
