Wednesday, October 19, 2005
of S Papers, Olympiads and As...
This has been one extremely unfruitful year, not that i have gained nothing out of it, but it has allowed me to realise that things don't always go the way you want it to be. I may be a little slow to come to this realisation. But having been spoonfed in Chinese High has always ensured that things went on smoothly, from getting into tower block classrooms, getting to study bio, quartermastership, councillor, first three months in HC and permanently in HC. Everything has been so successful and smooth, all until i came to HC. I made good friends like gloree and chuan yuan, like kwang han and jeremy, my class is also wonderful, bandmates, and everyone i know. My JC life seemed to have begun colourfully. But as seniors has always said, the first three months are honeymoon. And true enough, it has passed, then SRP, A Star, various atttachments, Major post, bio olympiad, and now S paper... there are many more that i have failed in. None of these has came across my path, yes, it has been painful, but what i feel now is numbness, numb to all the disappointment, numb to all the sadness. This is reality, i have to accept it, that i am not as capable. I do not blame luck for these, i blame myself. For only setting targets and not achieveing them. Even Soviet officials who give set overly high expectations can work their way to produce them, either corruption or faking. But i could do none. I saw the promos as my one last chance of salvaging all that was lost. Kim and i even went for tuition, sat down and stardy together, then sickness took us, dengue, bacteria, viruses, everything. It destroyed my life, my future. Life is really as unpredictable as the weather. Just as it is now, the sun can be shining brightly but rain pours at the same instant. My enthusiasm to do well cannot be doubted, one month before the promos, i have already put myself into strict revision schedule, until i fell ill. I continued to fight on, until chuan yuan persuaded me to rest. it isn't good to be ill, expecially when u have a major exam coming along. Take kim and zongyi, they suffered more than me, their results are clearly not reflective of their actual capabilities. The school is just like another slaughter house, or a hostage camp, no mercy, no forgiving. Compassion only exists between us, classmates, friends. I now start to question my choice. One year has passed, and i haven't got an A grade, that's such a shame. Just like Kwanghan said, while some people are thinking of S papers and feel that promotion is certain, there are those below struggling to achieve the bare minimum to promote. So the next time when u start saying, oh man, don't think i can get S paper for this and that or aiyah, miss by one mark, please be a little sensitive. The person next to you might be smiling, but has been stabbed many times in the heart. Learn to be humble, learn to have a little heart. Well, what Kim and I had planned had turned completely off course, nothing went right. I guess i will just have to accept it soon and carry on, to work for As and remain focused......
stalin rules
12:46 PM
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